December 12, 2006

Working on a New Blog about Emotional Incest. How to Divorce yer Mom, or Dad, or dammit, both of them if needed. None of the "their your parents, you have to love 'em". We'll talk about your rights to not be harassed, harangued or damaged by Mom or Dad. Watch for the installments, and visit my website when you can. BHShrink.com. Here come the Holidays, tension, stress, and some good stuff too.

Emotional Incest is very much NOT discussed. Its the "mom's little man" and "daddy's little girl" syndrome. No sex, just expectations of loyalty, dedication, closeness - what Mom and Dad should have had between each other. Emotional Incest wipes out being a kid for the kid. Kid becomes 'partner', surrogate spouse, confidant. Mom shares her innermost emotions, fears, concerns with her son. Often with the caveat, "I'm so glad I can talk with you, and that you understand, your father doesn't". or, "Fortunately, we have each other." and many more we'll share in time.

dr. g.

April 29th 2006 - My Book

We all have that 'BOOK' in us that we want to write... well here is some of it... titled: "I Was Never a Little Boy"

"i was never a little boy"
Is everybody screwed up? Is it our parents fault? Society’s fault? School’s? The church? Who do we blame? Must we blame? Do we need to have a scapegoat? Or do we ask such questions just to get a handle on life and what makes us tick?

I’m inviting you to share in my journey... what I’ve experienced up to now, what I’ve learned and where I’m hoping to head... what I hope I’ve left for the world as my legacy so far, and what I’d like to add to that... I feel we need to leave a legacy, not just offering our daily presence on this earth as all we offer to the world... but - have we gained more and achieved a bigger/better legacy if we have a few buildings with our names on them?... more expensive toys? rather, i feel a major part of our legacy is living life gracefully, managing life with dignity and class... modeling positive behavior and leaving pleasant thoughts behind when we do take the dirt nap... I’ll share my steps to "Making your life Happen"...

As you read my book, use what works for you, listen to some of the other stuff and glean things that help you, and "delete" from your "memory" stuff that is really useless to you... Though even the deleted stuff then wasn’t totally useless cuz you now made a choice about clearing some stuff out of your life, or at least not letting it into your life! I may have never gotten to be a little boy... at least at the appropriate chronological time in my life, i.e., when I WAS a little boy, but now as an older fart, I’ve found that it is truly never tooo late to have a happy childhood!

First we’ll spend time with me... "it’s all about me" for the first chapters... but not really... its about how life deals us stuff... and how we -you and I-handle it... well and efficient... or not!... and we all can learn from how others -here is where the "me" fits in - handle life... from the crazy stuff I experienced, as well as the good stuff... and the parts of my life where I just took a different path than others... and, those are particularly the things that brought me to the place I am today... developed my character... some like it - my character that is, and some will definitely pass on it... but no one will say that I don’t have character, a personality of my own, or that I’m bland...

So sit back, get comfortable, read on and listen to my life...Life is a gift... Don’t waste it... It’s the only one you’ll get... And along the way, among others, you’ll meet some of the folks who work in my office as therapists, counselors, colleagues ... "we’re here to help you solve your problems, guide you through your life, find your true self"... or... can we? Are we more messed up than our patients? ... Also we’ll hear about my cop friends, entertainment buddies, colorful characters... and those pre-dead who are missing out... breathing yes, existing yes, but just barely ...
......This is a true story, a docu-book based on my career and Life. The events are taking place every day and night in this city, beverly hills, of celeb’s with oscars,... losers with broken dreams, ...the homeless guy "with a script out there", ...confused lonely millionaires, ...wanna be’s and hangers on, ...have beens and one hit wonders, ... mansions, ...limos, ...drugs, ...silicon, and....
dysfunction and depression...!!!

Some of the folks in this town make ideal "poster children" for the Diagnostic Manual of Psychological Disorders. I’ll share some of their lives, the good and the dark sides, the positive and the negative. Under the make up, behind the key-guarded driveway gates, underneath their degrees and titles, behind the badge... They have the same issues as Mr. and Mrs. Average American...these screen idols, sports figures - hear what they feel, what they think, how they live. And... how they destroy themselves......

I’m real - the others - the people on both sides of the couch and the law are composites due to confidentiality issues and that fact that I still want to be able to order a meal in town without the server being p’o’d at me... (though many of my clients are court ordered and therefore their records are public property, and if they are someone real special... you already have read some of it in the tabloids!)... , .

Every story, every emotion...though... is very real!. jg 2004

January 26

Hi, It’s a new year, and it's off to a bumpy start for me... but...

Broke Back Mountain... Ang Lee getting the nod at the Golden Globes... Leno talks about it during the monologs... BBM wins awards! Everyone goes to see it. The "gay" cowboy movie... wow! Things do change!

Yesterday, I was reviewing a submission being written to support my being nominated as special volunteer for the LASD in 2006. I was asked to give some background to my years with the station and what I have done with the Sheriff Department. I ran across some evaluations done by the recruits when I did Gay and Lesbian Training at the Sheriff Academy 15 years ago. While my sessions got many good and positive reviews, I also got responses from the recruits like, "It was repulsive to see gay men being happy, talking with us, wasting our tax dollars, and not repentant", "While I feel very uncomfortable with their lifestyle, as a professional law enforcement person I would treat them with professional demeanor." From reviews when I did some guest lecturing at Santa Monica College around the same time, "When you were here last week for the first half of your sessions with us, I had to go home and throw up", "Watching a ‘gay’ man talk in front of my class, joking and happy, makes me feel like I have to run home and take a shower, you are dirty and sick."

And 15 years later, in West Hollywood we have deputies happy to be assigned to the city and its annual Halloween Party and other activities. We also have many openly Gay and Lesbian Deputies who walk in the annual Pride Parade, along with some CHP, LAPD and surrounding PD officers, last year we even had a proud Border Patrol dude walk with us, head high and proud in full uniform.

It’s nice to have Gay Sensitivity Training now have become just ‘ho-hum’ status. On January 28th, at 4:44 a.m., it will be 13 years since my partner died. One of his big outings when he was pretty sick was the infamous AB101 protest marches when the governor vetoed a promised anti-discrimination bill that affected gay and lesbians in the work place, and thousands took to the streets for about a week to protest and show their outrage. I was participating as a member of the gay community and also community liaison for the Sheriff Department helping to prevent miscues between the law enforcement and the marchers. Coordinating the closing of the roads, and clearing the way for the marchers, while still protecting the safety of the citizens. One memorable moment in the unpredictable marches was the night, the group started in West Hollywood then headed up to Sunset and went East eventually to the Hollywood Bowl in LAPD territory. After much negotiation and lots of calls in to tell them what was happening, as we walked on Sunset from LASD territory in the LAPD, the LAPD cars were blocking the street, riot gear equipped. With much effort from our LASD team, probably for a first ever time, the LAPD cars backed into the side streets on Sunset and allowed the marchers to walk right along. No tear gas, clubbing or prodding, just some respect and traffic support was we walked to the Bowl. A milestone.

Ross was not yet 30, sick, frail, and partly blind, living with AIDS, but he rode along with me on the marches when he could. He would be - and I hope wherever he is now - proud of the changes that he helped bring about too. Its nice to be part of change, positive change. Bringing about new understanding, making a legacy.

Things evolve... sometimes slowly. And taking the time to look back isn’t bad. Broke Back Mountain... hmmm, except for idiots like Pat Robertson who tries to be an equal opportunity offender, and proving the donkey’s butt that he... has been seen as a movie, just a damn movie... not a political statement, not a protest, not a sales pitch for being gay... just a damn movie... with a twist... nice.

I was at the taping of the ‘puppy episode’ of the Ellen Show sitcom, the coming out episode. I had been to most of her shows that year and the year before and I was anticipating the announcement. It was Big News then. 3 years ago, when she started her wonderfully successful daytime talk show, I was at taping of that first show. After the taping was done, and the cameras stopped rolling, there was a pause, then some emotional comments from her to the audience, and to the folks who had been there through all the trials and tribulations. What she was able to express through her closing words was, "we’ve made it, the new show was there because of her talent, of her energy, and not as a political statement." ... to be able to be just another person, not pushing an agenda, not offering a ‘toaster oven’ to the next one to sign up as gay, but just being the talented best person one can be.

Broke Back Mountain, a sensitive story, not a freak show... Ross would be proud, and I hope he is wherever... I am.
dr. g.