I tell my group members that one way to check if the relationship is/was good, is to ask the same question politicians often use - Are you better off today than you were when you met this person? or as they put it, 'are you better off today than when you elected me/or my opponent?'.
For a relationship, the answer should a firm YES. If you respect each other, give to each other, share with each other, you should both have gained. A relationship is a place for both members to grow and succeed.
A group member asked me why I would use the phrase, 'this is my future ex.' when I'm out dating or getting into something new. She said, 'why would you feel that way, why invest in anthing that is not gonna be permanent?'
Well, my quick response to her was, 'have you ever had a pet, a cat? a dog? You know you will live longer than it, so why get one?'
The lesson of course there is, you will and should get great enjoyment out of your pet. You will be able to love it, care for it, grow with it and hopefully it will give you a lot back. Any relationship, should do the same. l have had times with folks who I knew due to some differences in our lives - age, geography, culture, health in one case, etc- would not be 'permanent'. But during our time together, we respected each other, and gave fully to each other. And we grew.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
VA Tech
Sad that we are so vulnerable to someone's irrational feelings and emotions. Sad that folks lose their lives to someone who wants revenge for things in their lives.
Let's be realistic though, the big discussion over the showing of the video by Cho is very much academic. If it had not been shown, and later TMZ, or another source found it existed, it would be on YouTube in no time. And folks would scream that here was a piece of the news that did not get shared, folks would scream about the news being edited, that our freedoms say we need to make our own choices what we want to see. No, however, I don't think it needs to be shown over and over and over.
Virginia Tech, take your time to sort things out, and take time to process things out. Painful time for all, and for all students everywhere.
Let's be realistic though, the big discussion over the showing of the video by Cho is very much academic. If it had not been shown, and later TMZ, or another source found it existed, it would be on YouTube in no time. And folks would scream that here was a piece of the news that did not get shared, folks would scream about the news being edited, that our freedoms say we need to make our own choices what we want to see. No, however, I don't think it needs to be shown over and over and over.
Virginia Tech, take your time to sort things out, and take time to process things out. Painful time for all, and for all students everywhere.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
"But I've still got Checks???"
"But I’ve still got checks in my checkbook, how can I be broke?" With an incredulous look, and a lot of naivete, and after a few bounced checks, one can say with wonderment, "How can I be broke when there are still lots of checks in my checkbook?."
This weekend I visited Shirley. Shirley is about 80. She has lived a good life. She feels fine, she is active, she has lots of friends and has done a lot of good things in her life, touched a lot of people. The doc tells her she has an aneurism near the brain, 70% clogged arteries, and a few other things. He also tells her, that operating could kill her, and to just hang around til something goes and she expires. Her response, "How can I be so sick and not feel sick?"
Its like the checks in the checkbook, her life is cookin’ along, she is having fun, but... her bank account has run out and she’s gonna be saying goodbye. Goin out with a smile, and ... leaving a few tears behind.
As I drove the 400 miles home, I listened to my Rod McKuen CD’s. I teared up and cried a bit, thought about lots. My life, Shirley’s, and my friend Janette’s too. It’s spring, its Easter, it’s the start of a new year, but... I went to visit Shirley to say good bye, it’s the autumn of her life. And my friend Janette is slowly saying goodbye to her father, who is her best and most trusted friend as well as her dad.
Rod’s song Season’s of the Sun hit me as I drove, listened, and sang along with Rod. Poignant and right on with Shirley, and Janette... and for me as I hit the autumn of my life. Its hard to say goodbye, Shirley still has LOTS of checks in her checkbook, lots of stories to tell, lots of kindness to share, and plenty more brownies to make for her family and friends... but her account has run out on this earth as we know it. And Janette knows its time for dad to leave, but for her they have gone through all the seasons together, lived life fully, shared, talked and loved each other... but its still hard to say goodbye as the flowers bloom and the birds are singing.
"Adieu my friend, it's hard to die, when all the birds are singing in the sky. Now that the spring is in the air....
We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun, but the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time.
Adieu my friend, please pray for me, I was the black sheep of the family. You tried to teach me right from wrong, Too much wine and too much song, Wondered how I got along
Adieu my friend, it's hard to die, when all the birds are singing in the sky. Now that the spring is in the air, little children everywhere, When you see 'em I'll be there.
We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun, but the wine and the song, like the seasons have all gone.
Goodbye.... my friend, it's hard to die when all the birds are singing in the sky, Now that the spring is in the air. With the flowers everywhere. I wish that we could both be there."
This weekend I visited Shirley. Shirley is about 80. She has lived a good life. She feels fine, she is active, she has lots of friends and has done a lot of good things in her life, touched a lot of people. The doc tells her she has an aneurism near the brain, 70% clogged arteries, and a few other things. He also tells her, that operating could kill her, and to just hang around til something goes and she expires. Her response, "How can I be so sick and not feel sick?"
Its like the checks in the checkbook, her life is cookin’ along, she is having fun, but... her bank account has run out and she’s gonna be saying goodbye. Goin out with a smile, and ... leaving a few tears behind.
As I drove the 400 miles home, I listened to my Rod McKuen CD’s. I teared up and cried a bit, thought about lots. My life, Shirley’s, and my friend Janette’s too. It’s spring, its Easter, it’s the start of a new year, but... I went to visit Shirley to say good bye, it’s the autumn of her life. And my friend Janette is slowly saying goodbye to her father, who is her best and most trusted friend as well as her dad.
Rod’s song Season’s of the Sun hit me as I drove, listened, and sang along with Rod. Poignant and right on with Shirley, and Janette... and for me as I hit the autumn of my life. Its hard to say goodbye, Shirley still has LOTS of checks in her checkbook, lots of stories to tell, lots of kindness to share, and plenty more brownies to make for her family and friends... but her account has run out on this earth as we know it. And Janette knows its time for dad to leave, but for her they have gone through all the seasons together, lived life fully, shared, talked and loved each other... but its still hard to say goodbye as the flowers bloom and the birds are singing.
"Adieu my friend, it's hard to die, when all the birds are singing in the sky. Now that the spring is in the air....
We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun, but the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time.
Adieu my friend, please pray for me, I was the black sheep of the family. You tried to teach me right from wrong, Too much wine and too much song, Wondered how I got along
Adieu my friend, it's hard to die, when all the birds are singing in the sky. Now that the spring is in the air, little children everywhere, When you see 'em I'll be there.
We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun, but the wine and the song, like the seasons have all gone.
Goodbye.... my friend, it's hard to die when all the birds are singing in the sky, Now that the spring is in the air. With the flowers everywhere. I wish that we could both be there."
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