Why have a relationship ?

I tell my group members that one way to check if the relationship is/was good, is to ask the same question politicians often use - Are you better off today than you were when you met this person? or as they put it, 'are you better off today than when you elected me/or my opponent?'.

For a relationship, the answer should a firm YES. If you respect each other, give to each other, share with each other, you should both have gained. A relationship is a place for both members to grow and succeed.

A group member asked me why I would use the phrase, 'this is my future ex.' when I'm out dating or getting into something new. She said, 'why would you feel that way, why invest in anthing that is not gonna be permanent?'

Well, my quick response to her was, 'have you ever had a pet, a cat? a dog? You know you will live longer than it, so why get one?'

The lesson of course there is, you will and should get great enjoyment out of your pet. You will be able to love it, care for it, grow with it and hopefully it will give you a lot back. Any relationship, should do the same. l have had times with folks who I knew due to some differences in our lives - age, geography, culture, health in one case, etc- would not be 'permanent'. But during our time together, we respected each other, and gave fully to each other. And we grew.